Foster Care?

Determine we were... We went through the checks and passed them all. We were convinced this was it, this is what we should be doing. Now December 2002 we had news and great news though we were nervous. "Your Pregnant" I was not confident at all, as previously advised I would probably never see a pregnancy to term. I was not sure what to think. I was happy but sad at the same time. We took our name off the list for Foster Care for now.

The doctors were cautious and I was having ultrasounds every appointment plus specialist ultrasounds for a better picture to ensure everything was going well.

Week 10 I started bleeding, again I thought just not meant to be. Went to the Obstetrician who did a check and said, " Baby's healthy small bleeds are common around this time as the baby starts to look like it should"...


Now just so you know if you do get a bleed and you feel unsure get checked anyway, but it is common and another thing people just do not mention.

I went to specialists appointments every 6 weeks and also my obstetrician appointments. Dr Kelsey was such a nice doctor and lovely man. My husband attended every appointment, because, ummm well doctors poke around and I felt safer with my husband there.

I was still nervous because I wasn't sure if this little person was going to stick around, if so I was due 28th September 2003.

Another Decision

The year is now mid 2001. My husband and I thought we would be good parents we were financially secure, not rich but OK. So we thought we could look at adoption.

Now this is interesting, and I must admit still leaves a sour taste. We thought that there are lots of children in the world that need someone, and we were willing to be that. It turns out the government in there great wisdom decided that charging an extraordinary amount of money would make it easy. The waiting list is also shocking.

The waiting list for a child is close to 10 years with a cost of between $5000 - $10000. This is supposedly for cost pertaining to the process including court cost. Now you would think leaving a child in a system would cost more and be detrimental to a child. My husband and I could not see the logic. Especially when we knew there where children just waiting.

After speaking with a person from Adoption Queensland and we were informed of this, I ask about overseas. The cost for this at the time was $15000 - $30000 but could be more depending on the country. I was a little cranky and said to the poor girl on the other end of the phone. So we are buying the child, which would leave us broke and no actual funds once we have them with us.

I must say I kind of still feel the same way. Basically is you have the money you have a child. But we had so much love to give and we thought we would be a stable home.

My husband and I talk about it and again decided that is might not be our calling. I was devastated. I just wanted a family more than anything.

I am not sure if the rules have changed at all since this, but I do hope it has.

2002... OK New Year. New Decision...

Our calling we think is foster care. I had done some work with troubled children who's family lives had not been great.

So we went to find out more about it. We went to an information session which was eye opening and also made us more determine. We met the most amazing people who do it for only for the children. Very self sacrificing people. One women who stood out had at the time 4 of her own children and 6 foster children. She only would take children under 7 and only long term care or emergency care. All the kids went to the same school regardless if they were her own or foster children. Which means they went to private school.

I would like to point out she was not well off or made of money. She and her husband had decided they all deserved the same chance. She and her husband loved all those children the same. This of course made both my husband and I more determine.


My husband's father was violent both physical and mentally, and so was mine. We just wanted to do something good and have our own family. To explain I would like to talk about our history.

My husbands father has now turn to religion of course after everyone left him, but still uses this as a stand over tactic. You can still see it in his eyes. Everyone is wrong but me mentality. My husbands mum is an amazing women. She not only put up with this for a number of years during which she had 3 children, but decided when she left she would make a good life for herself and her children.

She studied hard and became a nurse, eventually specialising in aged care. These days she trains and audit for resident homes and is well respected in her field.

My father was great until he got sick. My father he had Lupus which eventually effected him both physically and mentally. Lupus is usually classed as a women's disease, as it only effects men in 7% of diagnosed cases. My father have the most severe version of this which eventually killed him.

My father was a musician and sport mad man. Played hockey loved tennis and played music continually joked around. I adore him. Oneday it changed he became angry and his frustration and with a lack of restraint as the lupus attacked his brain, he started hitting out. My father was on dialysis 4 hours every second day which was actually a relief for us. He couldn't get up from the machine.

I have 2 sisters and a brother. My father took all of his frustration out on my first sister and me. My sister rebel a lot and I tried to make things better. Didn't work he would wait for us and as we walk through a door "SMACK"...

We wanted to prove we were not the same. Regardless of what life throws at you, only you can make the difference about you you will be.

The reason I told you this will be explained shortly...

Decision and heartbreak

March 2000

My Husband and I got married and really wanted to start a family right away. After a couple of heartbreaks, we were told we could not have children without help. I have Endometriosis and Polycystic Ovaries.

We looked at our options, IVF , Adoption and Foster Care. We thought lets look at IVF, because just like most we wanted our own child who was apart of who we were. At the time it was $3000 a go and the doctor said on average it takes three tries. It could work on the first though. "$3000... wow". Medicare does help with the first attempt but of course you do need to pay up front and what if the first go doesn't work. We decided in the end we just couldn't afford to do this. I cried for days and had rivers coming from my eyes to think this was it.

6 Months Later...

Whooo Hooo

We are pregnant. Called everyone parents brothers, sisters cousin.... We couldn't contain our excitement. I was 4 weeks pregnant. Now I know what your thinking, the golden rule, you should not tell anyone until your at least 12 weeks. But hey no help necessary and we were pregnant.

Nov 2000

The doctors had kept a close eye on me and I felt great. Week 12 came round and I was even more excited, we made it. ummmmm.

Week 12 and 2 days

I started to bleed. No idea what was happening. I rushed to the doctor and he said go to hospital. I did. I had miscarried. I was devastated. The doctor at the hospital was cold. For them another day in the office for us our hope and dreams. My baby had died inside. It was Friday evening so I had to wait until Monday for a D&C. For those who don't know it means a clean out.

A whole weekend... I was lost.

Now to explain this next part I should say I come from a Maltese background and culturally they mourn for unborn children. I called my mum who with best intentions said plant a white flower in your garden for your child. "AHHHHH I DON'T WANT TO GARDEN". That was all that was screaming through my head. I know she meant well but I had not wanted to hear that.

Monday morning D&C time. I Still unsure on what I was feeling. Angry I had to wait, sad for my loss, I really didn't know.

The thing is I didn't even check to see how my husband was doing. He was wonderful and supportive but just held me when I needed. It is only now I realised I never asked. I even thought how could he love me when I couldn't hold on to his baby. I felt terrible and full of hopelessness. Every time I saw a new mum in the street with her baby, I was furious at this stranger for her luck. Now I realise I was just grieving

I want you to know the reason I am writing all of this is no one would tell me that this is normal. If you miscarry you will do this and sometimes more and sometimes less. Everyone grieves differently and this includes our husbands.