On screen time

Well this has an interesting one.  Admittedly I am quite strict in this, of course this does not mean I don't allow it, but it is limited.

To give you some history as to why I make the decision I have.  My work.  I see clients with low motivation, limited social skills, and low self esteem, though not always, a majority will spend their days on line gaming.  As an adult, you can make whatever decision you like in this, but for me children need this time very limited.  I guess you might wonder why?

Kids are on screens for homework, social, gaming, video, etc.  The list goes on.  However we forger outside time, learning about the world around them, making random friends, heading to the local shop to buy lollies 🍭.  Riding bikes, playing unorganised sports, where you make up the rules.  These are skills that take you through adulthood as well.  Think about this for a second and how this helps you now?

I have seen whilst out for dinner young children including those in high chairs staring at iPads.  I think it is sad.  Does this make the job easier for parents, probably, but children miss learning and observing those social skills from watching you.  My lads will says but my friend is allowed, my answer is, well the rules are different for their family.

If you are wondering, it doesn't mean they do not play games, they do.  My boys have to earn time through the week, during school weeks.  Example chores and homework done or nothing.  If they do this they can have 45 mins Saturday and Sunday.  School holidays are different.  We have a daily chart and they can have computer time if this is completed daily.  They get an hour.

I know this is one of those hotly debated topics, these are the rules for my family.  They work, each family is different.  Do what works for you, but please do not use this as a baby sitting device, or your child may one day be my adult client.

My favourite conversation with my then 12 year and 9 year olds was them desperately trying to tell me how educational mine craft was.  My youngest stated you can even learn about gardening and farming, knowing that I love my little veggie patch.  I got them to follow me outside and gave them hand shovels, and said, looks like you can learn these things with me.  Queue the eye roll and groan.  I laughed at this for a while.

Good luck with this one.  It is hard, but I have stuck to it.  So far so good 😊 

How we answered the Santa Question...

Hi All,

I know it has been awhile since my last post.  So this time of year I thought I would tell you how we handled the Santa situation.  Now I hear about how children are told at school and this has ruined it, etc, etc... However I have never believed this.  Sure my boys were told, but when they asked with hope in their eyes, my answer was simple.

I asked them... 'What do you believe?'  Generally the answer was that Santa was real, so I would say, well that is all that matters and do not worry.  I have gotten to 12 years old, however being he was starting high school and had asked a few times this year, we decided that it was time to tell him.  I did this in the form of a letter to him.  Please feel free to adjust to suit your family, but it worked for fine

Dear D...

You’ve been asking some rather amazing questions as you’ve begun the long journey through childhood through to being a teenager. 

We’ve covered all sorts of things, however there’s one question you’ve been asked that hasn’t yet been explained. It’s been a difficult subject to cover but we feel this is the best way to explain it. We never told you he was real, we always asked what you believed and said well that was all that matters. 

It’s the subject of Santa.

You’ve asked whether or not we, your parents, are Santa. The short answer is no! We are not Santa, but then no-one really is. Santa is actually the real spirit of Christmas.

We, your parents fill the stockings, choose the gifts and even wrap them up. But we do it on behalf of Santa. Santa or St Nicholas was a real person and his legend of giving children gifts lives on. His spirit of giving and making one evening magical was real, so parents around the world continue this tradition.

Let me explain.

Santa is about believing in something that you can’t feel or see. I know you’re ready to learn about Santa because you have so much love in your heart, and even though you can’t touch it or see it, it’s there! Santa keeps the spirit of Christmas alive for children everywhere and now you can too.

It case you are wondering you will still get gifts, however from now it will be from mum and dad

You’ve known for a while that the task of reaching homes everywhere in one night was impossible and you’re right to be questioning it. The truth is, grown-ups help Santa, or the true spirit of Christmas along, by doing that job and we do it so we, too, can fill more hearts with the same love, joy and magic that you have felt every Christmas since you were born.

You’ll do it one day, too, and the magic of Christmas will be with your kids.

Well, now you know the truth. Santa is everywhere and lives in everyone through hope, happiness, joy and love.

Santa relies on your help too. Now that you’ve been told about the true spirit of Christmas, Santa will need you to let others keep believing like your brother R... so the love, joy, hope and happiness can keep spreading.

May Santa always live in your heart.

Mum and Dad.

I have also found the following websites very handy indeed over the course of time

https://www.portablenorthpole.com/en/ - Create personalised videos, they are wonderful.  I love this site

https://santatracker.google.com/#village - Santa Tracker, just a little fun too

http://www.threelittlemonkeysstudio.com/santas-special-delivery-printable-gift-tags/ - Gift tags with Elves details

Lots out there and enjoy seeing the eyes of your children light up.  My rule is your children are as innocent as you let them be.  Let them enjoy.  My older child is in on the fun too, and he is loving seeing this from our side now.

Food and Children

One of the biggest issues was getting a doctor to help me with a child that did not eat.  I was told that he was fussy, so for years I persisted.  My eldest from 2 years old decided that he would not eat.  The only food though always presented options were, dry weetbix, vegemite, apple juice, milk, milo, toast, sausages, chicken nuggets, and cake / brownies. (Chocolate only though)

My eldest up until this point ate everything, fruit, veggies, meat, etc.  Now to put this in perspective, I grow a lot of my own veggies, make my own sauces, and cook from scratch.  even though this seem hard to believe when I spoke with nurses and doctors.  One comment I received was 'I am sure you add extra frozen veggies when you are mixing in the jar of sauce...'

My eldest became scared of food, we have since found out the reason which I will get too.  What I wanted to say about this though was be persistent, it does work, however can take time, very easy to give up as I wanted to so many times.  Lucky I am a good wog girl and cook anyway.

It started slowly with my eldest turning away a banana which he ate most days of the week and then it was sandwiches, which I knew he loved, next grapes (I still cannot get him to eat), and then meat, all forms except for sausages and nuggets.

Now with this, I started to get creative, I started including veggies in anything I could hide it in. Chocolate cake had sweet potato and spinach in it, his choc milk had a raw egg added, as did his vegemite toast.  Apple juice in an unclear cup, had carrot or kiwi fruit in it, etc.

Now this is a lot of hard work, keep in mind I am working full time and when I got the chance was asking for help consistently.  Nurses would say he just fussy and I should just offer what ever and if not eaten send him to bed with a 1/2 cup of milk or water.

The problem was, my son was happy with this and was literally starving himself, I went to doctors, and was told to continue, a child won't let themselves starve, he'll eat.  He ended losing about 5kg, which is quite significant when he was only 4 years old.

I finally got angry and was strongly worded when I spoke with the doctor say I am following this instruction, however he is starving himself.  The doctor told me off for giving up.  I ended up with a Paediatrician  and explained what was happening.  He said find another doctor and recommended someone.  At the same time, a friend noted a program with Queensland University program for fussy eating.  I was pretty desperate by this stage, so called and spoke with the nicest person, told her what I was experiencing, and she was stunned.  She asked if she could come and film 4 meal times for us and would send one of her students.

With the help of the new Doctor and the Psych from the program, it turned out the my beautiful boy suffered with a fear of food or textures.  A food anxiety, he was also underweight, thanks to the not so great advice I was receiving as well.  It turned out this was brought on by a stupid Day care in Brisbane that was shoving food down his throat because he didn't eat fast enough, and he nearly choked, but this is another story which, that I will cover.

So I went to a course which was for fussy eaters, however she pretty much redesigned this for my eldest, an example was she would teach things to the other parents, and for me would give me new instructions.

My eldest is now 8 and eats and / or tries almost anything.  He still will not eat banana though.  We created with help little rules about trying foods, how to remove focus away from the textures and different actions for which, I am now so grateful for.  I still use this when introducing a new food or recipe.

The reason I wanted to discuss this, is I want you to know, not to give up.  As a parent it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, bad advice and being fob off as a panic new parent when I knew it was so much more, and because he was so young couldn't vocalise this.

Rules about food for kids, try different textures from 5 - 6 months, do not smooth it out, they do have little teeth, though hidden in the gum.  The food should be soft or become soft as they eat.

Examples of good food:

Toasted breads
Bananas
Plums
Eggs
Yogurt
Cooked veggies including Broccoli trees, anything a child can hold and is not too hard.

Avoid baby food if possible.  Buy some small containers and as you cook for your family add little extra and freeze

Rice cream is dead easy to make.  Cook rice until cooked through and drain.  Warm milk on the stove and add rice and vanilla.  From here add any fruit, stewed fruit for fruit needing cooking.

Once baby gets to 9 - 12 months you can start introducing meats, again use what you have already made and cut into small pieces.

Hope this helps

More Decision - Circumcision

Here is a controversial topic and sent my family and friends into overdrive.  Now I am not into FGM, I believe in making the right choice for your child.  I have a son, however we had people giving the argument that this would mean we would do the same for a girl.  So to set the record straight, that would be a no.  male and female procedure are very different cases.  I do not believe there are any health benefits to the female procedure.

Male circumcision, is something very different.  There are a lot of pro and cons for this procedure.  Personally I think more pro than con really.  However I know this can erupt into a very heated argument.  Now, my hubby comes from a 'only if necessary' and I came from 'it is just done' family.  My hubby is done, but was circumcised later in life because of issues, and from what I hear same for one of his brothers for the same issue and last was done as a baby.  Now I hear the later in life hurts a lot and really is something that was not a good experience for my hubby.

So, with this information and the pro and cons and family history, we decided for the procedure.  I do think the penis does look better, however this should not be your only reason.  Parents of little boys will also tell you it is easy for cleaning purposes as well.

I have attached a link about male circumcision here from the World Health Organisation with the idea that on this you do need to make your own decision.  Whatever you decide, feel good in the fact you have made an informed decision.

If you decide too do this you have to find a doctor who is willing to perform the procedure.  Doctors have their own personal say on the matter.  I will say ensure you have this conversation prior to baby being born to save the argument.

We were lucky to find a doctor who was like us well informed of the pros and cons.  He allowed us to make this decision and understood it was also based on both our family history.

All I can suggest for this subject is to make this choice between you and your partner and no one else.

New Baby - Hospital

So I have a new little man who gave us the scare of our lives.  8pound 8 ounces or 4kg and 55cm long with a 37cm wide head.  (The average length is 46cm - 50cm) ohhhh he's so small.  I am not allowed to go anywhere because of the Caesarean.  I was jealous, all the ladies who had a natural birth are walking around a few hours later, I cannot go anywhere.  I am stuck in bed for 24 - 48 hours.  No dignity left.  The nurse changes you, and brings you bub, because I am so groggy.

I must say I am personally not a fan of the caesarean, however I know this is such a personal choice.  Mine was made for me for this little man.  The funny thing was it took at while for me to recognise that the crib next to my bed was mine.  I kept looking and thinking this is weird.  I am told this is normal and that it is easier for mum's to be attached to baby after a natural birth.  I must admit it did take a while for me to connect.  Thankfully I did, and am blessed.

Decisions, name and filling in the paperwork.  yuck still a little groggy, hubby is helping.  note to new mum's make sure husband spells name right.  We had to ask for new paperwork.

Hopefully not as groggy tomorrow and will make more sense tomorrow

Monday and 38 weeks

Oh god, Hubby is at work and I am BORED!!!! ahhhhhhh

So I clean, watch Oprah, ok still bored, have an appointment and have to wait for my hubby because I cannot fit behind the steering wheel of the car and reach the peddles.  I take out meat for dinner, mmmmm pasta sounds good I prepare the meal, you know cut up onion and carrot, etc for  later... ok still bored.

I take the dog to the park to throw the ball for him, this is nice I think, I look at my watch and decide that I would duck walk back home, dear god cannot believe I am duck walking is all I am thinking.

The appointments are still a little invasive however I am getting use to them though not comfortable.  I have a shower get change so I don't smell like dog.

Hubby pulls up and off we go...

Doctors office:

Hi and how are you feeling today?

mmmm I good doctor little tight feeling here, the little bugger won't put his foot down.

ok hop on the bed and lets have a look and see how everything is going.

ok...

Ummmm you are about 5 cm Dilated.

oh ok is that it can I go home?  (you may note I had no idea)

No, what we might do is if you go up to the hospital and that will just make sure all is ok.

Is it ok?

Yes, fine, just head up there anyway.  I will come and check on you in about 45 mins.

At the hospital...

Nurse put a belt contraption thing around my huge belly, with 2 sensors.  The machine suddenly shows numbers on the two separate screens.

I notice my belly is moving around a lot at this stage.

I asked the nurse what does this number mean?

That's your baby heartbeat

Oh... What this number?

They are your contractions...

huh? (looking confuse right now)

Contractions... ( the nurse notices that I have no idea)

But they could be Braxton hicks.

Oh ok (nurse looks at the read out)

I will call the doctor up

Is everything ok

yes

.................... 11/2  hours passes, and hormones really kick in....................

Hubby, I want to go home, The doctor sad he would be 45 mins not an hour and a half.  I have meat on the sink and I have to cook dinner, come on lets go.

Honey we should stay, (he knows by the way) the doctor shouldn't be to much longer.

Hubby (Growling now) I want to go.  I don't want to be here, and I am hungry can you get me a sandwich?

Well you better not just in case

Just in case what ( really growling and wanting to kill people)

I'll just check what the hold up is ok

ok honey (being nice now - Mood changes where weird and I remember this like yesterday)

....................................2 1/2 hours...............................

Doctor walks in with looks at the read out and states....

This baby needs to come out now, the baby is in distressed

(My weird reply) That's not my birth plan....

The baby is in distress and this may not be good, we need to do a Caesarean section

But that is not my birth plan (and tears)

Hubby that's not my birth plan

Honey, you need to listen to the doctor

(extra people walk into the room)

Doctor:  This is ..... he is an anaesthesiologist, he  is going to give you a spinal block, you will feel movement but no pain

Me: NOOOOOOO THAT IS NOT MY BIRTH PLAN

Hubby: Honey please listen to the doctor

ok ( I start to shake uncontrollable - I think I was scared but not sure)

My hubby hold my hands to hold me still so the anaesthesiologist can do his job

ok done

I am wheeled into theatre and the doctor is talking about how well I am doing.  The sheet goes up and 10 mins later

Baby held above the sheet,  It a boy and he is taken away, not a sound and all is quiet.

paediatrician now has my little boy and 2 minutes pass, the longest 2 mins of my life as they work on my little boy.  I was terrified and crying, My husband was awesome just reassuring me the whole time.

WAHHHHHHHH

Best sound in the world, they put him on my belly and he goes quiet, he's perfect, I was so overcome I just sob, 6.55pm on the 8 sep my little man is born at 37 weeks and 5 days

The Start of Maternity Leave - 37 weeks 2 days

Ok it is Saturday, and all I can think about is how bored I will be on Monday.  Sad really.  Anyway, I decided to cook up a few meals to cover the first couple of weeks for hubby and I and we also had a few friends do this for us as well to freeze.  I highly recommend this, as a new baby in the house turns everything upside down for the first few weeks whilst you adjust.

Luckily my hubby landed a temp job that he was able to do with his back, and they knew about the fact he was about to become a new father and was excited for him, they even allowed him time off to attend appointments with me which was nice of them from 35 weeks your appointments become weekly, mine were every Monday.

I put together the cot with the help of my hubby (much to his frustration) however, I was determined to help, I now know crazy, however hormones make you invincible, and you can do anything.  I also assisted with the change table and decided whilst my hubby was not home to check out some colours of paint... He was so not impressed.  The reason I did not do this behind a door or anything normal, smack bang in the middle of the wall, I will blame hormones again, but I just don't know if I will get away with this.

So I have had a busy weekend, now by this time you will get very tired.  I went for walks with the dog, not sure if you would call it walking, I think more likely a shuffle, I was huge.

I was determined not to waddle and waddle I did not until 37 weeks.... ahhhhhh duck walk.

So my only suggestion is try to relax, if you are like me and cannot for the life of you sit still, cook. 

Decisions about work

Okay for me personally I think this was one of the hardest decisions I had to make.  I decided to work until 38 weeks which was a Wednesday for me.  So I decided to finish the Friday before.  My husband and I decided to save as much as possible which was hard when you need to buy things for the new arrival.  Here's a tip, I brought second hand.

A cot, change table high chair, as I figured this could be cleaned, I only brought mattress for the cot and a pram brand new because that is material.  Where I could go second hand I did, save a lot of money doing this.

Anyway, I decided that I would take a little over 6 months off, now to explain, I was brought up with mum at home with kids type thing.  I struggled with this decision, as our personal goal was to do exactly that.  The problem, my hubby injured his back and badly and someone has to work.  This was before our government helping with Maternity leave, luckily our work place assisted by paying for 3 months which really helped.

I just want you to know that your decision regardless of what it is, is yours and your family to make.  My preference was to be a stay at home mum, however life changed that and I did need to go to work.

Don't let people make this decision for you and there are a lot of detractors who will say things like daycare is terrible, it is cheaper, whatever.  Your choice is your choice.  My choice due to the circumstance was that after 6 months I would go back to work and my child would be in daycare 4 days a week.  I must admit I hated this idea, however, I put this to the back of my mind, and decided to see how we go, I mean that baby hasn't even been born yet.

I mean we still have to arrange a room for our new addition.  Girls a good note, get your guys to pick the pram if you are short, otherwise they will never help you push it...

Week 34 and more and weekly OB appointments

This is where the weekly appointments start, and a little invasive, mind you I did have a great doctor who was so nice.  He advised that I make myself a birth plan.  I asked what this meant.  He advised that if there are no complications it is a plan to follow during the birth process.  He again stated that if there are complications then we do what we can to ensure baby and mum are healthy and safe.  Of course I agreed, with really the only part I really was wanting to hear was the birth plan part not the complication side of things.

Now right up until now I was feeling very energised, and this is quite normal as without realising you start nesting.  Now I did have my hubby in a bit of a tither with this because I was literally climbing on things to ensure they were clean.  He would come home and I would be cleaning a light fitting and he would then ask how I got it down knowing I was way too short to have done this safely.  All I can say is I had this indescribable need to clean everything and I mean everything.  Corners or skirting, light fittings, door hinges, windows, etc.  My hubby would send people around to make sure I was not doing anything silly.

Now I know what you are thinking, this is weird, and logically I knew this, however I could not help myself.  I would sit there thinking I will wait to my hubby got home but the need to get it done would drive me crazy, so I would climb big belly and all.

I always had my hubby attend every appointment with me so I felt safe, I mean even though my doctor was wonderful, some of the examinations were invasive so I felt better with him there.  Now I know some women prefer not to have the hubby with them for the same reason, but ladies I am saying this so you do not feel bad with whatever decision you make about either having your partner with you or not.  My original OB wouldn't talk to us as a couple and wouldn't address my husband at all which made me feel uncomfortable, so we change pretty early.

I got scans pretty much every appointments which was wonderful, because of the issues we had to get pregnant and to keep an eye on the progress of the baby.   We decided not to know the sex of the baby, I figure and still do it adds to the excitement.  Now I am aware this is not the case for everyone, and you would be amazed at the amount of people who will ask if you know.  I think this is up to a very personal decision and whatever you choose to do, do not  let other people convince you differently.  I got given the ' you know what to buy' comments of course, however there is nothing wrong with white and yellow.

This was such an exciting time as you feel tired but wonderful and tired and energised all at the same time.

I talked to my husband at great length about my idea of what I wanted to achieve for the birth of our baby.  Now I would like to point out this was my personal preference, and each person is different and also as much as I didn't what to admit at the time there is always the chance this won't happen.

Basically the decision I made was as natural as possible for I feel for me this is my body at its best so why use things to interfere.  I stated that I wanted to use natural oils and my hubby to rub my back and warm baths.  If I seriously needed assistance with pain then light pain medication to take the edge off however to avoid if possible.

We also start this week with birthing classes, more to tell chat soon

6 1/2 months or 30 weeks pregnant

This is awesome, I am tired though. Nothing really to tell except I felt good and apart from lack of sleep (My tummy was in the way) I felt fantastic. I decided I would finish work at 38 weeks and talk to my boss about it all. My 38 weeks fell on the Monday, so I thought I would just finish on the Friday before.

Now this was an intresting conversation. Some guys are just a little dumb. When we had a chat about leave and maternity leave and explained what I was hoping to do I would have been off for just on 7 months. His response your finishing a little early aren't you... mmmmm

Only 40 weeks in a pregancy if everything goes according to plan. Well some people I guess just do not get it.

So I assisted him with interviews for my positions and ensured all the reports where up to date. He was in a panic. I guess he didn't notice my expanding tummy and the fact I went to OB appointments. Odd really but what can I say.

So the decided date I would finish work was the 5th September 2003... I thought I could have a couple of weeks rest and finish getting everything ready.

It was getting exciting and we were looking forward to the birth of my child. My next post I will chat about gifts and well advice it just gets better and better.

OK... Names for baby

Naming you baby can be a hard one. Some people wait until the baby it born, some plan by finding out the sex of the baby and others plan for either. Our tasks were made a little interesting. I come from a Maltese / Irish background (yes I know a little confusing) and my husband in Australia through and through. My whole family have two middle names and a third added at confirmation (Catholic Ceremony).

My husband was lucky to have one. If you think agreeing on one name is hard try a boys name and girls name times three. I had my mother trying to put in her input with very ethnic names which were never going to work as our surname is very, well Australian. Suggestions like Constantino and Angelo were not going to work, much to my mums’ disappointment.

We did both agree on one thing, a child should never be named after someone who had died. Having a deceased person name in the middle as an honour is fine, but the person we were having is going to be there own person and should be named as such. Now I know some people do this and I don't disagree with this choice. I feel it is up to them and the family history.

Different cultures also have son and daughters who carry on names. We just didn't want to do that. I found girls names easier to convince my husband of, and I think I might just rant at about this time.

Parents of the world even though a name might be cute when your little girl is a youngster think about were this name will take them later in life. I know this is the prerogative of the parents but please think of the future and the chance your child may want to change there name so they can be taken seriously. That is my rant... Just thought I would get that out. Better now thanks.

Anyway, Boys names this is a hard one. You want something masculine but different but not to different and odd. Something they can say with pride and times it by three. Names that will sound good together and not make any words or acronyms that could be used in a not so nice way. My husband didn't do any ready of the name books it was just me constantly say how about this name or that name and him grunting disapprovingly or approval. Ok girls from speaking to other women this is pretty much universal. Husband will not help, however if you choose a name and if they don't like it, he will tell you. Pretty helpful huh? No not really.

The best book for name was a little pocket book I brought for about $5. Also I purchased another book that was about $35 and had 10,000 boys name 10,000 girls names. I really did not find this useful at all, but some might. It was a US book which had lots of American names in it. I personally didn't like it. The best website for me was http://www.babynames.com.au/ you could play around on this site for such a long time.
I will not tell you what name I chose because of privacy of course but he does have three names and of course his surname. That was one tradition I didn't want to let go of.

Yip Yah... I am really pregnant

Finally... This time I waited the time before telling people just in case.  Now if you happen to read some of those pregnancy books about the only one I would recommend is 'Up The Duff by Kaz Cooke'. I actually found the others scared the wits out of me... Most where full of old wives tales or worse case scenarios. Which when it is your first pregnancy you really do not want to hear.

Some other books will tell you you should be able to feel your baby kicking somewhere between 16 - 18weeks. This is only the case in about 10 - 15% of pregnant women. I was so worried when I read this I made an extra appointment when I got to 16 weeks because I couldn't wait. My doctor really dislike these books because of information like this. I didn't feel my baby until 21 weeks.

Now I will warn you straight up... Advice will come thick and fast with some really odd information. Now this will continue right though and including whilst trying to breastfeed, but we will get to that.

Now to understand I was extremely lucky to be pregnant so I did talk to my obstetrician a lot about foods and diet as I knew just one thing could be bad for me and my baby.Best advice given was eat naturally by my GP and Obstetrician. What this means is if is is processed then don't eat it. He said things like margarine, diet coke, etc...

One big warning I got was about diet sweeteners like aspartame and that one that starts with 'P' and lots of letters can cause you to miscarry. Again chances of this vary from person to person but I was not taking any risk at all.

To this day I will not touch the stuff. I tended to ignore most other advice given and if I wasn't sure I spoke with my doctor. I must say I even had nurses giving the most bizarre advice. I had a child health nurse tell me that potatoes were bad and that it would give your child diabetes...

Needless to say I freaked, thinking I have hurt my unborn baby. The doctor laughed and said don't believe that even for a second. I now think that male nurses and doctors were better because they are out of the old wives tales loop.

Now, in saying everything that I have I will say that different foods will have different effects on different pregnant mothers to be. I couldn't stomach for a moment any seafood and even the smell would send me running for the toilet.

I was a little unlucky in this regard as well because whilst at work I sat right near the breezeway to the lunch room in a call centre, and it was around this time that most people decided to be on the no carbs or low carbs diet which meant they all ate tuna or Salmon on crackers or with salad. The smell, oh god was terrible to me. I had to wait until lunch was over before I could eat mine. Otherwise from this I had no morning sickness at all.

Cravings... Your not odd

Some old wives tales say if you don't follow your cravings your baby will have birthmarks in the shape of... I know again bizarre. Popular in Maltese culture this one. Anyway, this is not true, just in case you were wondering.

I didn't have strong cravings and seriously didn't matter if I didn't get what I wanted but some expectant mums will have really strong cravings. So don't be surprised, all I say is try to remain healthy in your choice.

My craving otherwise was Pancakes, I couldn't get enough of them, just plain with lemon and butter. My other was strawberries, I would eat whole punnets of strawberries then eat more if I could. These days I still love both but just not on the same scale.

By this stage I was now 16 weeks pregnant and loving it.

Foster Care?

Determine we were... We went through the checks and passed them all. We were convinced this was it, this is what we should be doing. Now December 2002 we had news and great news though we were nervous. "Your Pregnant" I was not confident at all, as previously advised I would probably never see a pregnancy to term. I was not sure what to think. I was happy but sad at the same time. We took our name off the list for Foster Care for now.

The doctors were cautious and I was having ultrasounds every appointment plus specialist ultrasounds for a better picture to ensure everything was going well.

Week 10 I started bleeding, again I thought just not meant to be. Went to the Obstetrician who did a check and said, " Baby's healthy small bleeds are common around this time as the baby starts to look like it should"...

My response, "REALLY? NO WAY... REALLY? OH GOD YEAHHHHH..."

Now just so you know if you do get a bleed and you feel unsure get checked anyway, but it is common and another thing people just do not mention.

I went to specialists appointments every 6 weeks and also my obstetrician appointments. Dr Kelsey was such a nice doctor and lovely man. My husband attended every appointment, because, ummm well doctors poke around and I felt safer with my husband there.

I was still nervous because I wasn't sure if this little person was going to stick around, if so I was due 28th September 2003.

Another Decision

The year is now mid 2001. My husband and I thought we would be good parents we were financially secure, not rich but OK. So we thought we could look at adoption.

Now this is interesting, and I must admit still leaves a sour taste. We thought that there are lots of children in the world that need someone, and we were willing to be that. It turns out the government in there great wisdom decided that charging an extraordinary amount of money would make it easy. The waiting list is also shocking.

The waiting list for a child is close to 10 years with a cost of between $5000 - $10000. This is supposedly for cost pertaining to the process including court cost. Now you would think leaving a child in a system would cost more and be detrimental to a child. My husband and I could not see the logic. Especially when we knew there where children just waiting.

After speaking with a person from Adoption Queensland and we were informed of this, I ask about overseas. The cost for this at the time was $15000 - $30000 but could be more depending on the country. I was a little cranky and said to the poor girl on the other end of the phone. So we are buying the child, which would leave us broke and no actual funds once we have them with us.

I must say I kind of still feel the same way. Basically is you have the money you have a child. But we had so much love to give and we thought we would be a stable home.

My husband and I talk about it and again decided that is might not be our calling. I was devastated. I just wanted a family more than anything.

I am not sure if the rules have changed at all since this, but I do hope it has.

2002... OK New Year. New Decision...

Our calling we think is foster care. I had done some work with troubled children who's family lives had not been great.

So we went to find out more about it. We went to an information session which was eye opening and also made us more determine. We met the most amazing people who do it for only for the children. Very self sacrificing people. One women who stood out had at the time 4 of her own children and 6 foster children. She only would take children under 7 and only long term care or emergency care. All the kids went to the same school regardless if they were her own or foster children. Which means they went to private school.

I would like to point out she was not well off or made of money. She and her husband had decided they all deserved the same chance. She and her husband loved all those children the same. This of course made both my husband and I more determine.

History

My husband's father was violent both physical and mentally, and so was mine. We just wanted to do something good and have our own family. To explain I would like to talk about our history.

My husbands father has now turn to religion of course after everyone left him, but still uses this as a stand over tactic. You can still see it in his eyes. Everyone is wrong but me mentality. My husbands mum is an amazing women. She not only put up with this for a number of years during which she had 3 children, but decided when she left she would make a good life for herself and her children.

She studied hard and became a nurse, eventually specialising in aged care. These days she trains and audit for resident homes and is well respected in her field.

My father was great until he got sick. My father he had Lupus which eventually effected him both physically and mentally. Lupus is usually classed as a women's disease, as it only effects men in 7% of diagnosed cases. My father have the most severe version of this which eventually killed him.

My father was a musician and sport mad man. Played hockey loved tennis and played music continually joked around. I adore him. Oneday it changed he became angry and his frustration and with a lack of restraint as the lupus attacked his brain, he started hitting out. My father was on dialysis 4 hours every second day which was actually a relief for us. He couldn't get up from the machine.

I have 2 sisters and a brother. My father took all of his frustration out on my first sister and me. My sister rebel a lot and I tried to make things better. Didn't work he would wait for us and as we walk through a door "SMACK"...

We wanted to prove we were not the same. Regardless of what life throws at you, only you can make the difference about you you will be.

The reason I told you this will be explained shortly...

Decision and heartbreak

March 2000

My Husband and I got married and really wanted to start a family right away. After a couple of heartbreaks, we were told we could not have children without help. I have Endometriosis and Polycystic Ovaries.

We looked at our options, IVF , Adoption and Foster Care. We thought lets look at IVF, because just like most we wanted our own child who was apart of who we were. At the time it was $3000 a go and the doctor said on average it takes three tries. It could work on the first though. "$3000... wow". Medicare does help with the first attempt but of course you do need to pay up front and what if the first go doesn't work. We decided in the end we just couldn't afford to do this. I cried for days and had rivers coming from my eyes to think this was it.

6 Months Later...

Whooo Hooo

We are pregnant. Called everyone parents brothers, sisters cousin.... We couldn't contain our excitement. I was 4 weeks pregnant. Now I know what your thinking, the golden rule, you should not tell anyone until your at least 12 weeks. But hey no help necessary and we were pregnant.

Nov 2000

The doctors had kept a close eye on me and I felt great. Week 12 came round and I was even more excited, we made it. ummmmm.

Week 12 and 2 days

I started to bleed. No idea what was happening. I rushed to the doctor and he said go to hospital. I did. I had miscarried. I was devastated. The doctor at the hospital was cold. For them another day in the office for us our hope and dreams. My baby had died inside. It was Friday evening so I had to wait until Monday for a D&C. For those who don't know it means a clean out.

A whole weekend... I was lost.

Now to explain this next part I should say I come from a Maltese background and culturally they mourn for unborn children. I called my mum who with best intentions said plant a white flower in your garden for your child. "AHHHHH I DON'T WANT TO GARDEN". That was all that was screaming through my head. I know she meant well but I had not wanted to hear that.

Monday morning D&C time. I Still unsure on what I was feeling. Angry I had to wait, sad for my loss, I really didn't know.

The thing is I didn't even check to see how my husband was doing. He was wonderful and supportive but just held me when I needed. It is only now I realised I never asked. I even thought how could he love me when I couldn't hold on to his baby. I felt terrible and full of hopelessness. Every time I saw a new mum in the street with her baby, I was furious at this stranger for her luck. Now I realise I was just grieving

I want you to know the reason I am writing all of this is no one would tell me that this is normal. If you miscarry you will do this and sometimes more and sometimes less. Everyone grieves differently and this includes our husbands.